Sunday, January 23, 2011

Open Letter to Love...June 22, 2009

Dear Love;

I am writing you today in an effort to understand the past animosity between us. While it may seem a bit cloy and trite to say this, but for the first two decades of my life, it seemed that you had a mad on for me, and for the life of me, I cannot understand why.

I know that you are not an easy thing to get along with. At times, you have almost caused my heart to break, you've made me an emotional mess and, oh yes, let's not forget that pesky anxiety attack that you will on occassion have come and visit. I know that's MY favourity house guest. Yes. I was being sarcastic.

But as I move more and more into my adult life, I have to look back and wonder why I fought so hard against welcoming you into my life. I have come to know you more and more these last few years, and you've brought along a couple of your other siblings. Though why your parents names you all love is beyond me, the fact is, they too have set up house with me, and instead of feeling overwhelmed, life's feeling more and more complete. Happier. Safer.

And it hasn't just been yourself you've brought to my life. Through you coming to stay, I've met my Husband. A person whom I care about moreso than I actually thought possible. And through your siblings, I've met the Other Two. Combined, the fact that I now have The Three in my life, all thanks to you, makes for a debt that I will never be able to repay. I know. There are all those other people out there that I care about, and they are all in my life in ways, shapes or forms that make them important to me. But outside of Family (in Laws count)...the fact that there are three people whom I love, and care about in the unique ways that I do...if you'd have asked me a number of years ago if I ever thought I'd reach this point I'd have laughed.

So, through you I now turn the attention outward. Bringing in the younger siblings, such as "Care", "Friendship", and the like. If you're reading this and I miss your name, do not feel slighted. You all should know I have a crappy memory, or am easily distracted. Also, I'm intentionally leaving family off this list because, my gods, I don't think I have enough time to write that all out. LOL.


Matt: You are my husband. The one whom I have chosen to spend my life with. Through thick or thin, good or bad, bitchy or not. We have gone through Hell Fire together. We've been tested, and we've been pushed. We still are. I love you, more than I can ever put into words. You are one of my best friends, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without you in it.

Heather: Who knew what started out as a few random comments at a Drag Show and at Group would develop into what we have? I sure as shit didn't. You've worked your way so seamlessly into my heart and into my life, it's as though I've known you forever. Your help, not only around the house when you lived here, but in my life after Matt left for his course...I will never be able to thank you enough for all you've done. Doesn't mean I won't try.

Luke: I can hardly remember what it was like not having you around. You have helped me bring a balance in my life, and have helped me keep my head when I was starting to worry about losing it. You've given me refuge to fall apart if I need to, and while I was never able to, completely, like I've felt I've needed to, you also gave me something more precious than gold. Acceptance. Understanding. Refuge. Solace. You are a one in a million friend. Though friend and family no longer cover it. Whatever you call it...I am grateful.


To all the others out there. Kyle, Jamal, Randi, Shawn, and on and on the list will go. While I am no firm believer in God, or Fate, or anything like that, you people help me see that maybe, just maybe, there is a reason behind everything. I can't say I don't believe I've met you all, and become as close to you all as I have, if there wasn't some reasoning behind it. For the different aspects you all add to my life, I am proud to know you all.

So now, Dear Love, as I sign off this letter, I just have one last thing to say.

Thank you. You help make my long days bearable, my life enjoyable, and have brought me to those who have helped make my world complete.

Signing off

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