In the silence that surrounds me when those first moments of consciousness hit me, I stare blindly at the ceiling, musing upon the possibilities of the coming day. I feel a shift beside me. Firm, and constant. My rock, my love and my friend. Gentle breath on my shoulder, and a warmth that I know I will soon miss.
My feet hit the ground. It's cold, and hard. Unyielding. Like the person I know I have to be at times. Like the person I can sometimes be, when I really don't want to be. Unlike the floor though, I've never been refinished. Perhaps it's time to invest in that. Some personal refinishing, to bring out the natural beauty that I'm sure is there, but is simply hidden by some years of neglecting it. The glimmer is there...but maybe it's time to bring out the shine.
The smell of coffee. Warm, comforting, familiar. A searing sensation every morning. A simple reminder that sometimes in life, we have to endure a little something bitter, but find something enjoyable in each day, no matter what. And when things get a little too bitter? Just add a little milk, and you're set.
The shower. The morning ritual of cleansing oneself of the previous days toil. Restoring, at least on the surface, a veneer of cultured civility. Preparing oneself to face the day, and the posibilities that the new one carries. Allowing the heat and pounding pressure of the water to force you to release the pent up tension from the previous day. Letting the soap suds draw out the toxic thoughts, and sloughing them off down the drain where the rest of the waste belongs.
To dress, to primp, to preen. To assume the mask we must display at times to get through the day. To cover the cracks that appear in time, and show a strength we may not always find true in ourselves. Because god forbid we ever EVER show weakness in the face of adversity. Chin up, shoulders back, and walk heel->toe->heel->toe...wait. That's high heels isn't it? Be strong. And enter the world with the power of a hurricane. Be a force to be reckonned with. And never back down...even when sometimes that's all you want to do.
And to tag people in a note when you haven't even mentioned them by name. Perhaps it is a call out, for input on your thoughts. Either to encourage healthy debate, or cultivate a positive feedback. You know that you're not alone in these thoughts. Or that others may see you in a different way? Or perhaps, just to know that your thoughts have been heard.
My friends. I love you. You are beautiful. And thank you for your time