Upthoughts!!!

And as I said it to the person giving me attitude today, I think I’ll start off this post very much the same way.

“Bitch. I’m so damn fabulous, I practically shit glitter.”

Okay. I will admit. No matter what the circumstances are I could have definitely handled it better, and I’m aware of that. But I’m sorry. There are just those moments when my attitude shows it’s less tactful side and whatever it is that goes through my mind, ends up coming flying out of my mouth. And apparently today I chose to regurgitate the most stereotypical gay thing I could possibly think of. Not something I make a habit of, but uncensoring myself from time to time is good for the soul.

Anyway. Having re-read my last post, I realized that it was kind of a downer post, which is something I do habitually make a habit of trying to avoid. There are ups and downs in everyone’s life, and I’m no different, and sometimes it’s a good idea to give a voice to it so it can’t eat away from within. And such was the case with the last posting I did. Let it out so I can breathe, and boy oh boy did it feel good.

So good in fact that the last couple days have been FANTASTIC! Yes, it helps I also had the last couple days off, but still. I’ve had some days off that were absolutely horrid. Those kinds where you stand back and say, “Huh. I would rather have been at work getting screamed at by ignorant backwater rejects than have a day off like today.” These last two? Definitely NOT those sorts of days.

Yesterday I was able to veg out on the couch, read with Ally curled up beside me, and Rocky curled under my feet, watch TV and munch on a cucumber. I watched a little TV, tossed in a couple movies and laughed until I had to rewind some of the movie because I missed some pieces, which in turn made me almost pee myself. I ordered pizza and went totally random with the toppings. It had crispy crust, light on the cheese, barbeque sauce (instead of marinara) and grilled chicken. Let me tell you…it was delicious. Coupled by a beer and some relaxing music, I was in my own little corner of personal heaven. While I could go on and on saying, “Oh I wish Matt was here…” and so on and so forth, I maintain that as glorious as being in a relationship is, and as happy as he makes me, if you can’t make time for you, and love yourself (mind out of the gutter pervs), then it doesn’t matter who loves you, because you’ll never be happy. If you aren’t happy with yourself, then there is nothing that can change it. And right now…I’m very happy with myself and where I am in my life. Would it have been nice to have Matt here? Yes. No doubt. Did I enjoy myself just as well on my own? Yes. Again, I say, no doubt.

I crawled into bed early, grabbed a book, and read while I listened to the rumble of the thunder. I opened my blinds and watched the flashes of lightning when it started, content to have my book in my lap, and think about everything and nothing all at the same time. I just let myself Be. I allowed myself to be as stressed or relaxed as my body dictated. It seems to have defaulted to relaxed. I was quite glad of that. It’s been far too long.

Today, my day started out with a very cuddly puppy curled up in the small of my back, making it decisively difficult to wake up. Though a mention of “food” and “outside” was enough to get her up and moving, for which I was quite grateful. Feeding the dogs, letting them out, and getting myself up and going to head over to Liz and Mark’s after a Timmie’s run. Mark, bless him, offered to change my tires from winter to my all seasons. This did lead to the mention that I should probably replace the tires (I had a feeling, but it’s good to have it confirmed), but that’s okay. Fast forward an hour, and he had told me which ones to go for (I don’t know the first thing about them) and fast forward another 15 minutes and I was down paying for them (which again, Mark was able to work out something for me pricewise. I owe that guy a case of beer I’m thinking. LOL. And yes Mark, if you read this, you ARE getting a case, and I know what you drink.). Come Wednesday they will be installed, and I won’t have to worry about my summer tires. I blew off the cleaning I really didn’t want to do (nothing critical), and I went to get my ear re-pierced. In there I also got gas for the car, and a carwash. Interesting when the power goes out at that car wash AFTER the tricoloured foam was applied. Luckily it started back up…but only AFTER I had to drive out, dripping foam, and getting a replacement wash ticket. Could I have been annoyed? Sure. I could have been. Or I could have laughed at the fact it looked like multicoloured marshmallow peeps blew up on my car and chuckle at the absurdity of my green car looking like a massacre of Easter candy happened.

Oh boy did I laugh.

So eventually I made it home, and parked it at my computer and threw on a soundtrack, and a few other songs in the mix. I have chatted with a really good friend on MSN in ways we haven’t done for far too long. I am chair dancing along to some good tunes and I have both cats curled up on my desk, and the dogs on either side of me looking at me as though I’ve lost my ever loving mind. Maybe I have…but I’m having fun so the hell with it.

Life comes in balance, I think it’s important to note. Saturday was a shit day for me. Work was okay, but when I got home it was a bit of a shit day. Sunday was the start of things turning around. Today was fantastic. Tomorrow? Who knows. All I know is that with the shit comes the sun. If tomorrow is bad, then I know that there will be a good day following shortly there after. If tomorrow is good, then that’s great. I won’t focus on if/when the next shitty day strikes. I take the good and the bad in stride, because as bad as things can sometimes feel, I have strength in knowing that I’m so much better than the bad days.

Which probably is where my uncouth statement of, “I’m so fabulous, I practically shit glitter,” came from today.

But hey. Uncouth though it may have been, honestly…am I wrong?